BEWARE: this is not a beauty, style or shoes post (boooo). However, I think it affects all of that, as the blog is a reflection of who I am and what goes on in my “real” life, so I am going to share this here.

I don’t think I ever made new year’s resolutions. Really. Partly due to the expectations and subsequently disappointments they bring. I mean, to start 2012, I had a couple things I decided I had to do: my post-grad course and get British citizenship. After getting that, I just relaxed and 2013 was a bit lacklustre.

Maybe I am being a bit hard on myself but that feeling of “nothing has happened” made me feel my life is lacking a bit of direction and maybe it is a jolly good idea to focus on some aspects. Some things just need sorting out with no procrastination.

So I am not going to call them resolutions (I admit I am a bit scared of the word), more like a to-do list. Here is what I am trying to achieve this year. No pressure. None at all. Argh!

•  Do a layout overhaul on my blog. Last year, I bought the .com. Now I think I got to the point I need new branding, less generic and more me and I know what I want. Just need a talented designer to bring it to life. I also want to customise my theme, which will bring me to my next “resolution”.
• Learn a bit of code. Not that “oh yeah, I look at that and kinda know what it means” type, as I already know as it is part of my daily job. I want to primarily customise my blog, so really need to pull my socks up. After being out of formal education for soooo long, starting my post-grad (and finishing!) made me realise how much I miss structured learning. I started already and am doing ok.
• Save money. Not save more, as at the moment I cannot control myself. I actually want to start putting money into my savings account again. I used to be good at it but the last years have seen no pennies going into the savings account. Sad times. This needs to change. Measures include shopping less for clothes, organising food to bring into work and week’s meals. Stop buying things for the house. Buy less makeup.
• Aerial hoop. I used to be in love with silks and finally took the plunge last year. Literally. I tore a muscle deep in my abdomen and got traumatised – four weeks of pain. But I think now I can give hoops a go. Until I get another injury.
• Go back to my gym routine. 4 times a week. No less, maybe more. This wasn’t a problem when I had the amazing Danny Salfairso as my PT, but since moving to a new work building and having to leave him behind (sniff), I am finding hard to keep it going.
• Eat healthily and avoid alcohol during the week. About 5 years ago I said I wanted to lose 5kg. Never happened. This time it will.
• Look after my health. This is hard for me to talk about, but lately my anxiety has reached unmanageable levels. To the point I’ve been feeling sick – hair loss, pains in back, stomach, palpitations, dry mouth, constant knot in throat, heartburn, and at one point dizziness and difficulty breathing. I’ve been panicking over anything and everything, always making up worst case scenarios and working myself up with worry. Sometimes I just get filled with desperation and sadness. I’ve been irritable, moody, without patience. A horrible person to some around me. That is not who I am or who I want to be.
• Finally make some big decisions I’ve been postponing in my life. That includes moving countries, career definition and family. All massive decisions, but I feel it is crunch time.
• Tell people I love them more often. Fearlessly. Because I should be doing this all the time. We all should.

So it looks like 2014 is going to be a pretty big year, one way or another. There are a few more things I want to do, like learn another language, travel to a few places, do more sewing, but they will come on time. I hope I get to achieve a few at least, and be careful so they don’t cause me any more anxiety. Small steps…

Image credit: Corbis