Recently I posted a pic on Instagam stories I never thought I would. It was my face. You say – doh-oooh Dani, I see that face of yours a bit too much on stories.
You have a point. But this one was not as it is usually presented. Apart from SPF, it had nothing.
No priming. No foundation. Zero concealer. Not a dusting of concealer in sight. Nothing on my eyes – shadow, liner, mascara. Not even colour on my lips. No filter. Just the morning light that bathes my sitting room.
And for the first time in all these years, I found that it was ok. My skin looked alright. I actually thought it looked…. good? Could it?
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll never be that person with great skin. Think severe acne with deep angry red cysts on cysts (on cysts) all over for many years. Now think about the deep scarring it leaves behind. Not the more common pigmentation acne scars that appear once the inflammation heals and frequently fade on their own time.
I am talking sulking scars – ice pick, rolling and atrophic, mainly, pitted marks all over my cheeks, temples and forehead. The kind makeup does not erase. Tone, people told me, not texture, is what you can conceal well. And I knew – a lot of the time even with the most flawless make up all I saw in the mirror were scars.
My face had a huge impact on my mental health, and I have written about it before. In the past years I have learnt to like, dare I say love my skin, finally, after a life long battle to make it be what it never was.
Acceptance (and good, consistent skincare) has made it flourish, if not into “perfect skin”, into one that makes me finally feel good about it. Not all the time, it’s true, but the fact I don’t feel like I have to hide it (with a fringe, and/or 8567554 layers of the thickest product you’ll find), feels amazing.
I feel I really care about it, and no longer want to fight it, and the more dramatic, professional procedures I had in the past couple of years really kick started this change – the 3 sublative and ablative laser treatments I had so expertly delivered and tailored by Dr. Ariel Haus worked as a foundation that has finally surfaced.
I have been wearing less makeup, not just at home but when going out(ish) and although I still think I photograph better with a face of foundation, I am no longer anxious to wear less. I am, in fact, happy.
I always said makeup helped me look outside the way I feel inside. And this is still very much true – wearing less only means the discrepancy is decreasing.
As as a loved one said this week: here’s to growth – and skincare.
Now, where’s that botox at? Hit me up, I am ready for you!