On sleep and relaxation

Posted in Lifestyle, wellbeing by Dani - So Many Lovely Things

I am a hyper person. If you do know me, that is not a revelation. I find quite hard to relax, to stop, to breathe. Anxiety, my old friend, feeds off it, and vice versa.

Sleep however, was never a problem for me. I never needed loads of it, and rarely struggled to sleep.

Recently though, with the new waves of worry brought by COVID-19 and lockdown I found myself struggling to fall asleep, waking up in the middle of the night and being unable to sleep again and/or just having terrible quality, disturbed sleep. And feeling exhausted.

I then reached for a few aids to help me sleep better and Pukka teas, a variety of which are regular in my cupboard, came in very handy.

I had been a fan of Night Time for quite a while so it was no effort to say yes to a couple more boxes sent in. Night Time contains oat flower, licorice root, chamomile flower, lavender flower, lime flower, valerian root, tulsi leaf to help you unwind, settle and enjoy a moment of calm before bed.

Its taste is quite delicate, with the liquorice, a flavour that is definitely not my favourite, being quite subdued. I usually drink it half an hour before bed as part of my settling down routine.

And they have a really nice 7-day Sleep with Ease programme to help us create a sleep space, pattern and routine naturally, with a digital diary to document the journey to better sleep.

The programme touches on usual suspects like avoiding distractions blue light from electronic devices before bed (which was and is my main struggle!), avoid caffeine (THE biggest struggle), meditation and relaxation techniques applied during the day to steps we may take for granted: create a relaxing sleeping environment and surroundings, a sleep schedule and a post sleep routine – especially when we are have our usual work routines disrupted by the pandemic. For me, that was really important.

And of course, introduce relaxing natural ingredients like the ones in Night Time: valerian acts like a natural sedative, with lavender, oat, chamomile and lime flowers acting as soothing, calming and grounding ingredients.

I must admit that after a little while my sleep pattern was almost back to its optimum.

If you want to follow the tips, go to the Pukka website to access all the free Sleep with Ease resources they made available to help you get better sleep.

Pukka teas are widely available at the best supermarkets and retailers, RRP £2.80 for 20 bags of Night Time.

And they have a fantastic selection of high quality organic blends for all tastes and needs – look how pretty and delicious – trust me – they are! A delight!

You know the drill, but I’ll say anyway: this post contains PR samples as products were sent to me free of charge, with no obligation to post. Opinions are honest and my own.

28Sep2020

We were on a break!!!

Posted in Lifestyle, wellbeing by Dani - So Many Lovely Things

Yes, I’ve been having a break. In fact, a series of breaks from the blog; it does seem to come in waves. Does this post mean it is over? I am hoping it is the beginning of the end. Again.

Might be a funny headline but the actual matter is not so much. Even though it is not the first time I talk about it, it is the first I offer an explanation for having irregular hiatuses from something I love so much: my blog.

Sadly, when things get tougher, and days a bit darker, SMLT is the first thing that will suffer. It feels the only expendable activity to help create some head space. Hell, most of the time I cannot even find it, and that “space” is taken by the sheer apathy and deep exhaustion that comes with my anxiety disorder.

Usually at those time, my writing mojo also vanishes. And cue to the “impossible task”. Or taskSSSSSS.

I have been diagnosed with chronic general anxiety disorder (with some added bonus ones, such as health anxiety) and obsessive compulsive disorder (which seems to reach its peak form when anxiety is high).

It has been my dark companion for many years and earlier this year I got a memory of Facebook that really triggered more memories of the darkest of times. It was March 2014, and I remember being at my most despairing state, but still trying to smile and do things. But it was so empty – I was withdrawn, avoided going out, socialising and (believe it or not), was NOT drinking.

Therapy helped a lot, but the work outside (or inside yourself), relentless as it may be, is what will really build you. Aerial hoop, I joke in a serious way, saved my life.

The continuous support an understanding of those around me carried me through. And still do to this day.

And shift in attitude is what keeps me there.

I often tell my nearest and dearest I live a day at a time when it comes to my mental health. Current status: mostly well.

Good days largely outweigh the bad ones, and the bad ones are safely put away as being “over”, with an opportunity of a great day coming tomorrow. If another bad day comes, we deal with it. A day at a time, as they come.

Most triggers I can avoid and work through. Some I can identify but they will throw me off me anyway, and it takes me some energy to shake them off.

Rare are the others that are just so deep rooted that will consume me and all I feel is symptoms: that knot in my throat, the sick pit in my stomach, the tight pain in my chest, the dry mouth, the slight dizziness, that racing heart, the staring at the wall for hours, the procrastination, the escalating thoughts, the relentless checking, the irritability, the anger, the guilt, the frustration at the tiniest of things. Breathe.

Sometimes culminating in the dreaded, hopeless panic attacks of blinding tears and breathlessness. And the weeks it takes my body to recover: the IBS flares it brings, the lower back pain, the nausea, the sheer exhaustion.

So that’s what pulls me out and makes me go on a break. I write when I feel joy, and sometimes I struggle to find joy. The pandemic has refocused quite a few things for me, and I am trying to redirect some of my joy in these weird times. It is tough.

I am fortunate to have been in a good position throughout all this: healthy, in a job I can do from home, with a supportive manager and a fair employer, amazing friends that even at a distance were there. A boyfriend who REALLY helped me keep it together, a home I love and makes me happy, a hobby that looks after my body and soul. I count all those blessings and am forever grateful.

So, I might just be back.

31Dec2017

2017: good riddance

Posted in Body, Lifestyle, wellbeing by Dani - So Many Lovely Things

You know when you are in the Crimbo limbo and start thinking about your life… well. Have a sit. But not beofre making yourself a cup of tea…

When 2017 started, I seemed to have it all: I was comfortable with myself, I was going to move to my very own flat and I had met someone who seemed perfect, late in 2016, and we seemed to be good together. Great right?

Plan and simply happy, I was soooo looking forward to it and waltzed into it full of hope. It turns out the world went a bit messed up, and hell, so did my life.

While the move into the new flat in February was smooth – and quite frankly, amazing (but we will get to the good once a I have a good old moan) – from there on things started to crumble.

And one of the most difficult things for me to overcome has installed itself in: my anxiety started creeping in as soon as the flat buying rush started to calm down.

“Perfect” man decided, well, that in retrospect, he wasn’t so perfect, and after almost four months, couldn’t “do us”, announced two days before Valentine’s, over the phone. I was left with a card and a gift which would never met their recipient, but worst of all, with a heart so broken, in so many tiny pieces, I still think it will never be mended. I was surprised that A) I was actually in love and B) he wasn’t. What?! And I cried.

Anxiety reached peak. I was on edge, my OCD kicked off into unmanageable levels. I cried some more. I had awful physical symptoms and my blood pressure went up.

I struggled to leave the house except when I absolutely needed to (basically work and pushed myself to go to blog events. I STOPPED DRINKING (what, you say? Who even are you?).

But I thought the summer would sort me out. Well, it didn’t. So I cried a bunch more – alright, a lot more – and started the long road of (yet again) rebuilding my shattered self through therapy and the excruciating hard work on myself.

As in a Mariah Carey song, “you’re all smiles but in your eyes, your sorrow shows, yes, it shows”. That was me.

Then I got injured. Oh, yeah, twice. And recovery has been long. To be away from the one of the couple things that keeps me sane was a huge blow to my balance and self esteem. That pulled me inside that hole even further, together with the fact I could barely recognise my inflating, weaker and inflexible body.

Boys were generally rubbish. Although I did have all he fun, the ones I liked a bit weren’t that upfront with me, some came out of the woodwork after months of disappearing looking for an easy shag, some even reappeared not knowing I knew they were back with their exes. Yes, I knew [insert eyeroll here]. Yes, I liked him an awful lot. No, I didn’t see him again. No, I won’t ever see him again.

I became extremely sceptical and detached on the romantic front.

My ex of 7 years got married within 1.5 years of meeting this (also Brazilian) girl on Tinder I believe a mere 2 weeks after we moved apart, four days before my bday. Oh yeah.

For the record, I hadn’t already been in love with him for quite a while when we broke up and we did so in great terms. I knew he was engaged (he proposed on NYE) and going to get married this year, but I ended up finding out on Instagram on the day it was happening. NOT COOL, mate. Not cool.

Some parts of my small network of friends proved to be more flawed than I anticipated. I seemed to insist on non-supportive, unreliable, “I’ll be all over you when I need you but am rarely there when you need me” only to, surprise, feel let down and lonely.

One of my besties decided to move to Australia. Another great friend decided not to come back from Australia (Australia, I am starting to have a problem with you).

My grandfather passed away in Brazil, it devastated me, it is still hard to think (or write more) about it, as he was a huge part of my life. Then my aunt had some scary health problems.

The blog suffered. As the anxiety exhaustion kicked in, I felt little motivation to write. Traffic dropped and even when I came out of the worse patches of anxiety, the motivation was low. I started posting less and have struggled to get back into it.

What a stupid year, 2017. Talk about disappointment, I had high hopes for you.

So, I feel I HAVE to focus on the good things (I mean, did you read the above? Jeez). And it’s amazing how many there are when you actually think about it:

I bought a freaking flat. On my own. In London. And I made it up exactly how I wanted. I am f*cking proud of that.
I reigned back my anxiety. It was a long and painful process, harder than the first time it hit me this bad. Many times I just couldn’t see how I’d get out of that. It is still a day at a time battle, but when you started to have way more good days than bad, you know you’re in the path to controlling your mental health.
My anxiety had very little impact in my performance at work. And I am very proud of myself for that.
I found a twinsie friend.
I found support where I least expected.
Despite being sh*t at blogging this year, I actually got some amazing opportunities and am so grateful for that.
My family back home seems to be closer than ever, which makes me so happy all the way here.
Another bestie is expecting a much desired baby. I might even love a child for a change.
I rediscovered my love for glitter. Ok, I know, but I had to add this here.

So how I am taking 2018? At my pace; I have no shame to say it will be all about me (I mean, to be honest, it’s always all about me. I hate resolutions list but I will:

Put myself and my health in the first place. Mental and physical. I will take time for myself, I will be mindful of it, I will go back to fitness and look after my body. Circus activities which I love so much will be back and I’m sorting out my diet.
Give toxic and unrealiable people no time. At all.
Give f*ckboys no time. I’m genuinely bored of ya.
Work harder on the blog. Actually pour in the love I have for it.
Dance more. Just go out and dance.
Not be too hard on myself. I really struggle seeing how good I can be, what I can achieve and always think I am not good enough.
Holiday more. I have only been to one holiday in 2017 and that, my friend, is nowhere near good enough.
Volunteer. I used to a while back and must return to it. I always felt I got so much more than I was giving!
Get a new hobby. I haven’t yet decided what I want to do, burlesque is currently at the top of the list, inspired by one of my besties.
Have a long hard think about my career and where I am going, where I want to be and if the path is right.
Concentrate on people who matter. Show them I love them, make an effort.
Be a little bit more sensible with money.
Nurture (and ideally grow) my network of friends.

Phew. Thanks for hanging in there. Please send some cheer and tell me you had a better year. How did 2017 treat you?

written by Dani

21Apr2014

My anxiety – how I am dealing with it

Posted in Lifestyle by Dani - So Many Lovely Things

You probably noticed I’ve been neglecting the blog, not posting as often, in fact, not at all for a couple of weeks. Not often I write a post this personal, but as I said before, I am a believer that beauty is mainly what is on the inside, and the last months have been dark and far removed from beautiful.

I always considered myself an anxious person – you know the type that suffers in anticipation, that will do various things to prevent a scenario that might not even become reality? Yes, that is me.

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