You know when you are in the Crimbo limbo and start thinking about your life… well. Have a sit. But not beofre making yourself a cup of tea…
When 2017 started, I seemed to have it all: I was comfortable with myself, I was going to move to my very own flat and I had met someone who seemed perfect, late in 2016, and we seemed to be good together. Great right?
Plan and simply happy, I was soooo looking forward to it and waltzed into it full of hope. It turns out the world went a bit messed up, and hell, so did my life.
While the move into the new flat in February was smooth – and quite frankly, amazing (but we will get to the good once a I have a good old moan) – from there on things started to crumble.
And one of the most difficult things for me to overcome has installed itself in: my anxiety started creeping in as soon as the flat buying rush started to calm down.
“Perfect” man decided, well, that in retrospect, he wasn’t so perfect, and after almost four months, couldn’t “do us”, announced two days before Valentine’s, over the phone. I was left with a card and a gift which would never met their recipient, but worst of all, with a heart so broken, in so many tiny pieces, I still think it will never be mended. I was surprised that A) I was actually in love and B) he wasn’t. What?! And I cried.
Anxiety reached peak. I was on edge, my OCD kicked off into unmanageable levels. I cried some more. I had awful physical symptoms and my blood pressure went up.
I struggled to leave the house except when I absolutely needed to (basically work and pushed myself to go to blog events. I STOPPED DRINKING (what, you say? Who even are you?).
But I thought the summer would sort me out. Well, it didn’t. So I cried a bunch more – alright, a lot more – and started the long road of (yet again) rebuilding my shattered self through therapy and the excruciating hard work on myself.
As in a Mariah Carey song, “you’re all smiles but in your eyes, your sorrow shows, yes, it shows”. That was me.
Then I got injured. Oh, yeah, twice. And recovery has been long. To be away from the one of the couple things that keeps me sane was a huge blow to my balance and self esteem. That pulled me inside that hole even further, together with the fact I could barely recognise my inflating, weaker and inflexible body.
Boys were generally rubbish. Although I did have all he fun, the ones I liked a bit weren’t that upfront with me, some came out of the woodwork after months of disappearing looking for an easy shag, some even reappeared not knowing I knew they were back with their exes. Yes, I knew [insert eyeroll here]. Yes, I liked him an awful lot. No, I didn’t see him again. No, I won’t ever see him again.
I became extremely sceptical and detached on the romantic front.
My ex of 7 years got married within 1.5 years of meeting this (also Brazilian) girl on Tinder I believe a mere 2 weeks after we moved apart, four days before my bday. Oh yeah.
For the record, I hadn’t already been in love with him for quite a while when we broke up and we did so in great terms. I knew he was engaged (he proposed on NYE) and going to get married this year, but I ended up finding out on Instagram on the day it was happening. NOT COOL, mate. Not cool.
Some parts of my small network of friends proved to be more flawed than I anticipated. I seemed to insist on non-supportive, unreliable, “I’ll be all over you when I need you but am rarely there when you need me” only to, surprise, feel let down and lonely.
One of my besties decided to move to Australia. Another great friend decided not to come back from Australia (Australia, I am starting to have a problem with you).
My grandfather passed away in Brazil, it devastated me, it is still hard to think (or write more) about it, as he was a huge part of my life. Then my aunt had some scary health problems.
The blog suffered. As the anxiety exhaustion kicked in, I felt little motivation to write. Traffic dropped and even when I came out of the worse patches of anxiety, the motivation was low. I started posting less and have struggled to get back into it.
What a stupid year, 2017. Talk about disappointment, I had high hopes for you.
So, I feel I HAVE to focus on the good things (I mean, did you read the above? Jeez). And it’s amazing how many there are when you actually think about it:
- I bought a freaking flat. On my own. In London. And I made it up exactly how I wanted. I am f*cking proud of that.
- I reigned back my anxiety. It was a long and painful process, harder than the first time it hit me this bad. Many times I just couldn’t see how I’d get out of that. It is still a day at a time battle, but when you started to have way more good days than bad, you know you’re in the path to controlling your mental health.
- My anxiety had very little impact in my performance at work. And I am very proud of myself for that.
- I found a twinsie friend.
- I found support where I least expected.
- Despite being sh*t at blogging this year, I actually got some amazing opportunities and am so grateful for that.
- My family back home seems to be closer than ever, which makes me so happy all the way here.
- Another bestie is expecting a much desired baby. I might even love a child for a change.
- I rediscovered my love for glitter. Ok, I know, but I had to add this here.
So how I am taking 2018? At my pace; I have no shame to say it will be all about me (I mean, to be honest, it’s always all about me. I hate resolutions list but I will:
- Put myself and my health in the first place. Mental and physical. I will take time for myself, I will be mindful of it, I will go back to fitness and look after my body. Circus activities which I love so much will be back and I’m sorting out my diet.
- Give toxic and unrealiable people no time. At all.
- Give f*ckboys no time. I’m genuinely bored of ya.
- Work harder on the blog. Actually pour in the love I have for it.
- Dance more. Just go out and dance.
- Not be too hard on myself. I really struggle seeing how good I can be, what I can achieve and always think I am not good enough.
- Holiday more. I have only been to one holiday in 2017 and that, my friend, is nowhere near good enough.
- Volunteer. I used to a while back and must return to it. I always felt I got so much more than I was giving!
- Get a new hobby. I haven’t yet decided what I want to do, burlesque is currently at the top of the list, inspired by one of my besties.
- Have a long hard think about my career and where I am going, where I want to be and if the path is right.
- Concentrate on people who matter. Show them I love them, make an effort.
- Be a little bit more sensible with money.
- Nurture (and ideally grow) my network of friends.
Phew. Thanks for hanging in there. Please send some cheer and tell me you had a better year. How did 2017 treat you?
Until a few years ago, I stuck to the same fragrance. It was my thing, my signature.
The top notes are citric (blood orange and grapefruit), and I am not a citrus fragrance person. Having said that, the opening is rather sweet and crisp.
Oh face masks… is there anything that screams being pampered more than a lush face mask accompanied by a fluffy dressing gown?
After 15 minutes they easily come off and the area felt de-puffed and had a glow, brighter and tighter. Sounds a load of rubbish, but I did noticed a visible change.
Finally, the BLAQ Meteor Shower scrub (£19.95). I mean, just to start with: pretty. It fells lovely on the skin, and really exfoliates, leaving it soft, shimmery and glowy. It is perfect to prep for tanning!
My body has now entered rehab mode. My gluteus tendonitis, which is an office injury, means that circus is, for now, off the table.
Oh, and did I mention there is a hot tub you can also use after your practice? Of yeah, THAT.
On the bottomless, al fresco buffet brunch menu devised by James Cathcart, coffee, rolls, pancakes, plenty of fruit, fresh juices, yoghurt, scrambled eggs and avocados (made into a delicious guacamole). Being able to mix and match is really great. The setting is calming and it was great to be outside.
Carol and I were expecting to perhaps see gluten free carbs opposed to white rolls and very healthy smoothies/green juices, but those were not available, although we were satisfied with the fresh and filling fare provided.
Then I got changed and took a dip on the fabulous hot tub, with some super relaxing jets that soothed my muscles post-practice. I left feeling light, relaxed and open. What a delightful way to reset for the new week.
This year, Dove is celebrating 60 years. A lot of those have been spent, apart from caring for our skin, supporting a healthy body image: all shapes and sizes hold #RealBeauty.
Needless to say, I was so glad to receive the bottles for what they remind me of: the sometimes very hard task to love myself as I am.
I try that, not only through the way I do love my body (most of the times!) and am not scared to show my individuality out there. Of course I do also look up to other women that make me strong in my quest!
Oh, shower products. 2017 is seeing a fab influx of great shower products: inventive formulations, better skincare and different textures. I love it.
The Shower Silk Mousse contains silk extract, essential oils plus almond oil and is amazingly foamy. The soft lather applies heavenly on the skin, cleansing and leaving it extra soft.
It comes in three gorgeous fragrances: Creme Care, Creme Soft and Creme Smooth, and I love it has a scratch and sniff sticker on the lid, so you know what it smells without needing to open it.
Comes in Cherry Blossom, Ylan Ylang and Lotus, fragrances to relax you mind while looking after you body, for a luxurious showering experience at home.
I must start this post with the admission that I fell out of love with beauty boxes a while ago but the March Glossybox really made me see the excitement with these monthly beauty delights.
The March edition came brimming with some of my favourite brands and two full size products I truly love (and *may* even have graced the blog before!).
Of course, the formula is the amazing one we know and the Somerset Meadow fragrance is light and fresh: a sunny summer morning in green fields in a tube. And in its 25g, it is the right size for your handbag.
The other three versions are much more neutral and I have the 
It is reportedly a must have on Mrs Beckham’s travel bag so if it is good for her, well, I am in. That aside, it is a great product; a fantastic moisturising base for makeup which I use quite often, so glad to have a travel size.
To be used twice a week for 5-10 minutes for manageable, shiny hair.
It contains antioxidants and it is very hydrating to help banish puffiness and dark circles, morning or night! Behaves well under makeup and you just need a little bit.
When you are 100% sure you found your hands down favourite Dove deodorant scent, they bring out something completely different to confuse you. Meet the Dove GoFresh Pear and Aloe Vera antiperspirant deodorant.
On top of that, Dove is always improving the formula on their products and of course you can count on the 1/4 moisturising cream, which is now, in fact, is using the same ingredients as luxury face creams, to care for your underarms’ skin, keeping it soft, as well as protect against sweat for 48 hours.
You can get the fabulous Dove GoFresh Pear and Aloe Vera range from retailers nationwide and products are priced from £2.65.
What excites me more than cake? You guessed right: beauty products!
If like me, you are rather partial to a sweet scent, feast on their Strawberry Cupcake range, which combines the smell of strawberries and cream.
The body lotion (£4.99/200ml) is silky and glides on skin, absorbs well, leaving skin soft and with the most amazing subtle scent.
Who doesn’t love a bath bomb (£4.99)? Well, this one gives you a sweet explosion to tingle all your senses! It fizzles out for total relaxation!
Finally, this little hand cream (£3.99/50ml), a delight to carry around in the handbag or keep by the bedside. Absorbs well and leaves hands moisturised and soft, and of course, with that fab sweet smell.
And they have all sorts of delights: cherry pie, lemon bon bon, sugared violet, cranberries and cream and orange crush, on top of some fab limited editions, such as the lovely 
We’ve all been there: great party straight out of a stressful day in the office. And now with the end of year parties in full swing, it is likely you are finding yourself in that situation more often than not.
For skin that has been in the office (and in party mode) the 
To refresh your makeup, invest in a little multi-tasking palette which doesn’t take much space and will go a long way.
For you lips, my newest obsession, liquid lipsticks are just perfect as they are quick to apply. At the moment, Kat Von D Vampira is my autumn go-to shade and scream edgy party look.
A small deodorant goes a long way – I love the little 
Sore feet? Carnation has a fabulous range to maximise your heel-wearing span and I love this Anti-Blister Stick, which minimises the party-busting shoe rubbing.
Make sure you always carry flats; I love these 
For extra hair oomph use a good dry shampoo. I love the 
I always carry a good brush with me, and this mini 
Has barely made it home for a shower? This tiny Gillette Venus razor is perfect for shaving on the go. Showers in the office or the gym? Done! Just make sure you rinse the floor well :)!
Finally, to smell good, nothing better than a roller ball fragrance. The 
So Many Lovely Things 